Thursday, July 31, 2008

Bands That Need To Retire

Wayne Blogged The...Bands That Need To Retire
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After seeing The Eagles on Monday, and watching VH1 Rock Honors: The Who, I've been thinking a lot about "classic rock" bands that are receiving AARP info along with their royalties. Now, in my opinion, not all bands from the 60's, 70's, and 80's need to hang up the proverbial boots just yet. But there are some that do, no matter how blinded we are by nostalgia. So to make this a bit more organized, I'll include a grade of their latest performance/album, and a status as to when they should retire. Simple enough? Okay...

Bands That Need To Retire: NOW

-Bob Dylan: A legend indeed, but enough's enough Bobby D. Over the past decade Dylan has retreated into the genre of blues simply because he can't sing (or bark) anything else. There are rare nights (like the one I witnessed at McCoy Stadium in 2006) where he actually gives a great performance of some classics, but overall the mastermind behind such songs as Tangled Up In Blue, Like A Rolling Stone, and It's Alright Ma, I'm Only Bleeding is doing nothing but jeopardizing how the future generations of music lovers judge his legacy with songs such as Tweedly Dum & Tweedly Dee...(Modern Times: C-; Live show: D)

-Rolling Stones: Keiff, oh dear Keiff. Please stop. (A Bigger Bang: D; Live Show: C)

-The Who: This is a must. Only 50% of the band's original incarnation are alive, and of the two remaining, only Pete has anything left in the tank. Daltry's voice is gone, but what can you expect? I'm very surprised that this band still sells as many tickets as they do. I saw them four years ago, and have not been tempted to see them again. Not even for Pino Palladino's bass playing (I think Pino's better than Entwhistle, sue me). (Endless Wire: D; Live Show: D)

-Paul McCartney: Let me precursor this with the fact that I think Paul McCartney wrote better songs than any other Beatle. I think his solo work is very underrated by music snobs like myself, and I also think that Driving Rain is worth a second listen, you assholes. That being said, Macca hasn't put out a great album since Flaming Pie, which was over a decade ago. Don't get me wrong, Chaos and Creation was good, very solid, but 75% of Memory Almost Full is just awful leftovers from the pre-Mills era. Sorry Paul...(Memory Almost Full: D+; Live Show: B+)

-Ringo Starr: Seriously, how excited can a Beatles fan honestly be to see Ringo in concert. "Holy Shit! He's playing Don't Pass Me By!!!"...(entire post-Beatles career, excluding his stint as the conductor on Shining Time Station: F)

-Leonard Cohen: I'm in love with this man's early output, but he should've retired when the synthesizer was invented. (anything past 1984: C-)

Bands That Need To Retire: Within 5 years

-The E Street Band: It's gonna be a sad, sad day when this one comes. The Boss and Co. still put on amazing three hour shows, and release solid albums. But, they're droppin' like flies. Danny Federici's death earlier this year sparked my concern, which wasn't helped by the fact that the 'Big Man' Clarence Clemmons needs a chair on stage now...However, I can still see the band rockin' until 2012. As for Bruce, you're gonna have to look further down...(Magic: B; Live Show: A+)

-U2: I don't mind these guys. They're a good rock band. But Bono's not gonna be able to pretend he's 25 forever. (How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb: B; Live Show: B)

-Steely Dan: Honestly, if Steely Dan retired today, I'd be okay with that decision. Their band is tight, but times have changed and I don't feel like their music's appreciated in the 21st century. The only reason I'm giving them another five years is because I'm really hoping for one more album. (Everything Must Go: A-; Live Show: B)

-The Eagles: Sure, their show's great. Long Road Out Of Eden was a solid output as well. But it took them over 7 years of concentrated effort to make that record. It's good, but not 7 years good...(Long Road Out Of Eden: B; Live Show: A)

Bands That Can Die Doing What They Do:

Bruce Springsteen: His band may need to call it quits, but I can't see the Boss joining them. I have a vision of a 75 year old Springsteen playing Thunder Road at the Grammys somewhere in the future. (solo career effort: B; Live show: A+)

Elvis Costello: The Imposters may be dropped somewhere along the line, but Costello will be writing wittier songs that any of his contemporaries for a long time to come. (Momofuku: A; Live Show: B)

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